"Suicidal Twin Kills Brother by Mistake" - "I Want the Girls of my Dreams"

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"Suicidal Twin Kills Brother by Mistake" - the story isn't done yet so the "plot" is still unfolding. Written two days ago.

"I want the girls of my dreams" - more done in a sense, but needs more verses. Just a rock and roll / pop song.

Lyrics below:
What follows is a tale of tragegy and youth, interplanitary crime and lust for the naked flesh
The newspapers wrote:

"Suicidal Twin Kills Brother by Mistake"
He never knew what hit him the gun went off too late

We're searching - through - the graves - on our - stolen - bicycles
but I can still tell you the story

it all - began - in pitchburg - when miss - johnson - sleepwalked - naked
but that's not important to the story

but the twins - came - double biking - past - where - miss johnson - danced
still naked and asleep and quite smashing

into - a winnebago - parked - illegally close -
to a fire hydrant that was sprinkling

on miss Johnson - sleep dancing - naked - and beautiful at night
in daylight she was not quite as smashing !

Cause me and the twins we used to walk the suburbs at night
trying to figure out their plans for life
who could have known they were from europa
no not the union the moon around jupiter

dancing - in the - dark - the twins - took off - all of their - gloves
you see it was middle of november

so miss Johnson - naturally died - from freezing -

(so it turns out the bicycle did play a role....)

I want the girl of my dreams
the one that's every bit as cute as she seems

Black sky under fire
The stars conspire

I want the girl of my dreams now
I don't wanna wait the cow

black sky under fire
the stars conspire

and I would really love her
and she would never suffer
except when she was late for a date
and made me wait like a bait

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Permalink Reply by Eli Salzman on October 16, 2009 at 2:05pm

dude.....the twins songs is one of my favorites of your to date. I mean, it's really inspired. This is very unusual for me, but I don't have any major criticism right now. It's what we call a shaggy dog story. And yes, it has some roots in those old Bowie tunes that didn't really have a point but took you to a strange and interesting place, especially with the GREAT chord changes and hooky melody and phrasing. So much of the time its really the WHOLE PIECE of music that is the complete idea. Not the lyrics, not the chords, not the rhythm....but everything together in a magical blend. It's like you just invented a new WORD. This song is a complex word that has lots of syllables and tones....but it is a complete idea. This is why I have trouble when I write a really great complete song...but with no lyrics. Whatever lyrics I plug in afterward often just don't ever feel quite right. Anyway, thanks for inspiring me.

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Permalink Reply by Brian Zebeaune on October 17, 2009 at 2:20am

thanks Eli

I can't get the chorus out of head. I'll be uploading the latest version soon, the story is unfolding .... :)
We still need to know why I am cycling around on the graveyard with the naked miss Johnson and the twin who killed the other by mistake. I mean, I know why but it's not in the song yet. I'm really having the time of my life writing this story.

It will all have a point once the loop is tied, I promise :)
...no not the union the moon around Jupiter

I can't wait to tell you guys the story all the way to the tragical end :)

Eli Salzman said:

dude.....the twins songs is one of my favorites of your to date. I mean, it's really inspired. This is very unusual for me, but I don't have any major criticism right now. It's what we call a shaggy dog story. And yes, it has some roots in those old Bowie tunes that didn't really have a point but took you to a strange and interesting place, especially with the GREAT chord changes and hooky melody and phrasing. So much of the time its really the WHOLE PIECE of music that is the complete idea. Not the lyrics, not the chords, not the rhythm....but everything together in a magical blend. It's like you just invented a new WORD. This song is a complex word that has lots of syllables and tones....but it is a complete idea. This is why I have trouble when I write a really great complete song...but with no lyrics. Whatever lyrics I plug in afterward often just don't ever feel quite right. Anyway, thanks for inspiring me.